Long lost wishes...........

Where to start.......I've been corresponding with a number of women these past several weeks, only one of whom answered my CL ad. This woman lives not too far away. Her and I have the greatest rapport but due to time constraints on her part have been unable to meet face to face as of yet. Hopefully soon though. Another woman I started chatting with from Chemistry.com. We share a common love of sports and the arts and email everyday. She's got a big heart, working with special ed kids. Actually the first one does too, working with disabled children. The second woman lives 3 hours away and we have yet to talk on the phone but that will change starting Friday when her cell service kicks in. Yes, 3 hours but relatively close to Chicago, an area I would not mind being at all. More on that later.

The 3rd woman is someone who completely disappeared from my life almost as quickly as she came. While I was wrestling with the complications of my separation this woman and I met online nearly two years ago. We talked, and laughed together; absolutely wonderful connection. We made each other forget about life for the time we were on the phone together. It was only natural that we meet. But on two separate occasions something came up on her part. I had though she flaked on me, that she had gotten scared. After the second time I threw in the towel on her. This was during the time I had a job interview in New Mexico. We were planning on meeting for dinner the day I get back. She sends me a message that something came up again. So that's where things ended with her.

Well now, lo and behold come yesterday out of nowhere she sends me a chat message and we start talking. She tells me she has been recovering from surgery much of that time as well as taking in her daughter and her family, who have now since moved out and onto another area. She's also telling about the guys in her life who end up concealing a criminal past, and not dating because of attracting that kind of person.
We chat, we talk on the phone several times yesterday and it's like not missing a beat. After my cell call was dropped last night she leaves me a voicemail saying she hopes that she can make it down to me soon so I can show her around and take things from there. She also talked about if things worked out to make a pact to see no one else, even with her impending winter trip to San Diego.

So questions in my mind.........Is this for real? Is she the one in this case jumping the gun? I wonder if someone in her past-maybe her father had a criminal history, otherwise why the criminal attraction? I do feel good talking with her. I always have. I don't want to rush into anything but if she's of clear head, not desperate for a relationship after over 10 years of being single and dating bad guys I do not want to pass this by. But I also have a good feeling about the first woman although our history isn't anywhere near as deep. I wish I had a gut feeling as to what to do but right now I don't.

One down, oodles to go..........

Went on my date last night with the first respondent to my CL ad. Very nice woman, educated, funny as hell-should be a standup, but no spark. Very conservative outlook on things but still not narrow minded. There wasn't that desire to have a dating relationship. Friends are a real possibility though.

Also talked on the phone for the longest time with the 2nd woman to reply. Very nice, smart, hard-working, funny. Very good possibilities here. Meeting her for drinks this weekend. I've been emailing with several others and have another woman who's going to get back to me about when she's free this weekend so we can have the dinner/drink thing as well and see how things go.

So with just one little article from the heart and my social calendar is filling up.
Amazing how life works sometimes. Now about that financial fortune I'm supposed to be getting one of these days....................

Wise words

Have you noticed, that the more you hurry, the slower you go?

The more you wait, the longer it takes?

The more you worry, the less you dream?

But the more you live, love, and laugh, the more you live, love, and laugh.

Weird?
The Universe

What a difference!

What a difference having the right perspective makes, even just a little bit. I've told myself many times after having hit a dead-end with a woman that I need to have 20 others to talk to, to get myself right back up and keep talking. Well yesterday I did just that. Knowing that the written word is one of my strong suits in communication I posted an ad on Craigslist. Yeah yeah I know the reputation of the place. And yet real people still do meet from there socially, and I'm not talking business transactions if you get my meaning:

I've debated on doing this but I have to tell you that being a private person I find it difficult at times to make connections with others. I get out and about but there are few opportunities to really meet and talk and interact with others in my life. Smiling at the store clerks is nice and chatting up someone in line if they have a friendly face is all find and good. But after that we all go our separate ways, living our separate lives in our own protective shells. I like my space but what I really am looking for is someone who will share that time with me. I need a woman who is emotionally available to me and only me, someone who is over past relationships and truly ready to move on with her life.

I'm not looking for casual sex. The bond I'm seeking goes way beyond that of mere orgasms. But with the right two people it all starts with friendship and slowly builds from there. And I do mean slowly. I truly want to get to know you without sex clouding our judgment about each other and getting in the way of having us truly know each other as people. You don't have to show me your tits. In fact I don't care if you're flat-chested as long as you have a heart of gold to match mine because that's mandatory. I'm looking for someone who's kind, caring, intelligent, giving and thoughtful because those are qualities possessed by me. I want a woman who's been bound and convinced that all the good guys are either married or gay because I am neither of those. Sexy is a given and with beauty can be in the eye of the beholder. There's got to be that spark, that chemistry between us that could light up the night.

My interests are varied and many, sports-football is my passion, baseball too. I love music ranging from classical to Conway Twitty and everything in between. I love travel, good food, street festivals, art, hiking and exploring my curiosity about various things in life. Does this sound like you? Take a chance. Please talk to me if it does.

I could sit at home and ruminate over what I did wrong or go out on my own and never meet anyone at a party or gathering. Or I could do what I do best, communicate with others with my writing, reaching those who were looking for someone at the same time I am. The response by the way has been quite good I think. Five actual women so far have responded today. No bots at all. They all loved my ad! I've talked to one on the phone already today and am meeting her for supper and calling another tonight. And as I wrote this another actual response. Kinda scary in a way, that just a little change can make such a difference. The moral of the story is a quote I've read but at times forget,"Man can alter his life by altering his thinking. William James
How very true.

Moving on, older, wiser...........

I'm over it. Felt bad for a bit but I just cannot wear my heart on my sleeve. Even when I hear a woman say she wants an exclusive relationship just hold back. I'm worth waiting for. But I have to tell you with all the things I've gone through in my love life I don't hesitate to say that I really deserve a big big break pretty soon.

Ok God, one little favor here please.

I wasn't going to post this for fear of jinxing the vibe. Lo and behold I was perfectly capable of ruining things myself. I met this woman recently. We hit it off right away and I like the passionate schmuck that I am went overboard, sending her a card with the lyrics to a song:

I've waited for this day for such a long time
you are everything i've waited for
if memory says i might be disappointed
cause a lifetime here with you will seem to short

all i see is white that's coming towards me
all i've wanted you within my arms
if it's required that i forsake all others
i'll do that and more

i've waited for this day for such a long time
i hope that i can be what you deserve
i hope the days get longer
and make this love grow stronger
god will be the strength and our reason

Looking back on things I was allowing myself to get too infatuated too quickly. Gotta control that. Don't need to be an uncaring prick just not a goopy wuss.
This has got to be a shining example of how I can never be the first one to say I love you to any woman. Ever. I just can't. Not after this. Sometimes nature is a cruel teacher.

I don't know if there's any chance of rectifying this relationship or not. From a cynic's point of view I present no challenge to her. I do not have to be won over and that doesn't sit well with many. From a realist's point of view I was pushing rather than letting things develop on their own. And that part is the saddest part for me. I know that she's a good person. I can feel it when I'm around her. To lose that...........well it hurts. I still seem to want to do things the difficult way.

I've been accused of being too cold and uncaring at times and others I obviously go completely the other way all the way. I'm a very passionate person but I have to learn to control it. I deserve to be happy and be with a woman who's devoted to me as I am to her. But let her express that devotion first. I simply have to.

To say that I'd like another chance with this woman us understating things just a bit. However I just don't know if that will happen. I am sending this out into the universe for all the good vibes I an get. It's time for prayer now. Ok Big Guy, just this once, a do-over please?