Yeahbuts, Comittments & Focus in Life

For anyone who has been wondering the woman I had been seeing since Fall has gone to California. But she and I are no longer together. As several others have suggested to me after the fact is that I need to slow down. I just officially got out of the marriage a little over a month ago. All the while we were together she was playfully joking that I was simply going from one jail to another. I chuckled every time I heard it, but when I stopped to think about it I really got scared. Here I was, enjoying life alone and now this other person was here wanting a committed relationship. At the time it started I thought cool this is nice. But as time went on this lack of space, this lack of freedom got to me.

She's been divorced over 10 years now and although she's 5 years younger it's obvious she's in a totally different stage in life than me. Plus the fact that the initial sexual fire I thought was there was not. Obviously I don't want to live in the bedroom and want that complete relationship with someone when I'm ready for it, but that mutual sexual desire has got to be there without question without hesitation. And it just wasn't in this case. Reasons for that for one is that for several days we both were sick with bad colds. Longer still she suffered from gastro-intestinal issues. There were other things too but the fact remains the attraction was not what I initially was telling myself it was. So the operative term with me and women is SLOW DOWN. I'm reminded of this old tv beer commercial that I've been trying to find. It shows a 20-30ish guy walking into a bar. He exclaims to everyone there that he's just found the woman for him. The bartender then says,"What, again?"
Seems to fit perfectly in this instance.

Recently I've started to read the book called "Pathfinder" by Nicholas Lore.
In it he deals with being able to focus our thoughts, filtering out the junk, the negative self-talk what he calls "Yeahbuts" to get to where we want to go in life.
He goes on to discuss effective ways to accomplish this filtering. The best way in his view is to make a commitment so far out of your comfort zone that accomplishing this new goal occupies the majority of your thoughts thus shifting your focus away from the negative.

Looking back I understand what he's saying. When going back to school even with the negative self-talk, the Yeahbuts, the excuses, at the most basic level I knew I was going to finish. It took me several years going part-time but I did it. It was one big big mountain to climb for me, fighting the self-doubt was a daily grind. Something inside me took over and made me focus on the good and pushed me toward my goal. At graduation I was totally spent of energy. It had literally taken everything I had in me to finish. I was literally bawling like a baby during Commencement, drying the tears long enough to go up and get my diploma.

Fast-forward to today. I get this email from my lawyer. He tells me he was contacted by the attorney of the ex, demanding his $3000 payment in full by April 1st. Talk about a goal that must be achieved! I emailed the attorney back telling him the situation and that I had worked out a payment plan to pay my debts, his bill included. I then asked him besides a payment for the complete balance what sort of payment schedule would he accept? So needless to say I spent the rest of the afternoon looking into payments that I could work out before 4/1 and also bank loans for the full amount so I can get him outta my hair. The latter is what I'm hoping will happen. I say hope because after dealing with indebtedness in recent years my FICO score is just above 600 at present. But rather than sit in petrified fear as to what to do, I'm doing something about it. One way or another I'll get the two big bills out of the way. Failure is not an option here; it simply isn't.

So to bring that thought process even further I'd like to be able to have the same zeal in a career search, making a transition to a new job and way of life. But I want to do it without gloom and doom hanging over my head. One thing came to mind is that every time I've made a major job change it's been for the better, getting me into a situation much better than from which I came. First it was a definite parting of the ways, leaving a hell-hole where it was obvious I was going to be micro-managed until I either quit or was fired. So I quit. The next job I was at for 17 years-way too long by the way. I was the highest paid person in the unit and the MBA's from corporate were squeezing us big time. It was obvious to me my days were numbered even before that happened. I had been job searching before but really did it in earnest when the manager who hired me took over my area once again. Something in my gut told me to get the lead outta my butt and get it done, which I did, eventually finding my present position at an opportune time. I have more thoughts about this guy I'll talk about later. What a piece of work.

But the point of all this is that when I focus on a goal that without question has to be done just like Larry the Cable Guy I "GetRDone." And my station in life improves greatly when I do it. So to focus on the goal, leaving the dark clouds behind. I am learning. One of these days I'll get it.