Endings, Beginnings............

Well it finally happened. I received the letter in the mail today. My divorce decree was signed on December 14th. So after 2.5 years I am officially divorced now. Just thought you might want to know. According to the court I do have to pay her $400/month alimony for 10 years; not as bad as it could have been but naturally not as good as I had hoped for. Time to move on..........

Reflections @ mile marker 53

Seeings how it's my birthday today I think it appropriate that I do some reflecting on what's been happening this last year. Life has been good to me. Even with the occasional downs that are a part of life the ups are feeling good, and the average everydays are feeling great! I've gotten myself out of a relationship that had become very bad for me. There were things going on that I simply did not know how to handle. Finally it became clear that things must end.

Having been out of my marriage for 2.5 years I finally am getting near the end. The divorce trial, which was essentially for her seeking alimony was held last week. A final ruling on what I will have to pay out to her will be made sometime after the first of the year by the judge's estimate. But the divorce decree will be sent most likely before Christmas. That part of it, the finality of it all will be there. Since her and I are both working and there's no real huge property holdings to sort out the amount the court orders me to pay should not be insurmountable.

I have certainly been given opportunities in the arena of love this year. Although I clearly jumped the gun on the first the woman I'm with now did not hesitate to act on her true feelings.
To my delight she was the one who uttered those words first. The feelings I had for the first were very real, so much so that in my gut she had to feel the same. But due to her getting out of a bad marriage and two failed long-term relationships (one died just before they were to be married & the second got cold feet before marriage) those intense emotions present in our brief time together were too much for her.
As it is the way she abruptly shut everything down with no second chances really left me with no trust in her at all. I could never trust her to not do the same thing to me down the road. If I were to do something she felt wrong when would she simply pull the plug, no questions asked? I couldn't live with that in the back of my mind. Although this woman was much closer to my ideal than many others previously there were many things she obviously needed to work out in her mind. Although I will say that I still wonder if I were used to make her old boyfriend jealous? Nonetheless that chapter is long over.

The woman I am seeing now is wonderful. She's kind and caring to a fault. She's curious about the world and has this incredible energy about her that excites me.
We spent Thanksgiving weekend together, meeting on Thanksgiving evening and getting to know each other in person. We also have plans to spend Christmas and New Year's together. The emotions we express here are very open and honest and very very real.
No holding back. We had first chatted after my separation and had planned to get together. But due to a variety of reasons we didn't connect and lost track of each other. Thank god that I answered her post to me on Facebook. Before we may very well have not appreciated what we have. But now I find myself falling in love with her everyday all over again. She's all that I want in a woman and then some. The passion between us is very raw and very real.
It's been a great year all the way around, and the best is yet to come!

Just a little bit more..............

I thought it might be good to fill in the blanks with some things developing in my life. Besides I've been getting some raucous requests from the peanut gallery to spill it. ;-)The woman I talked about in the previous post......well we are falling for each other big time. I feel a very strong and deep connection with her, this out of nowhere person from my past. It feels very good. She's a very strong woman, having the sense to realize she didn't want to keep repeating the mistakes of days gone by. She got out of the bad relationships in her life. She's improved herself when she was able, now wanting to go back to school once again. She's very artistic and creative, sewing teddy bears, quilts, making mugs among many other things. Her sense of humor is lively and fits well with mine. Her compassion and caring are that of an angel. Her passion is fiery hot. This is as close to being IT for me as I've ever been, an emotionally available woman who is making a place for me in her life, who is able to give me the same level of commitment I give to her. It feels good. The feelings that were stirring in us were much too strong to fight or ignore. We simply have to take this all the way, no question about it.

The Chicago thing I alluded to earlier deals with something that may come about, dealing with a company up there. I don't want to jinx anything but suffice it to say if what I want to happen happens I'll be eventually making permanent residence there.
More details as they develop.

Long lost wishes...........

Where to start.......I've been corresponding with a number of women these past several weeks, only one of whom answered my CL ad. This woman lives not too far away. Her and I have the greatest rapport but due to time constraints on her part have been unable to meet face to face as of yet. Hopefully soon though. Another woman I started chatting with from Chemistry.com. We share a common love of sports and the arts and email everyday. She's got a big heart, working with special ed kids. Actually the first one does too, working with disabled children. The second woman lives 3 hours away and we have yet to talk on the phone but that will change starting Friday when her cell service kicks in. Yes, 3 hours but relatively close to Chicago, an area I would not mind being at all. More on that later.

The 3rd woman is someone who completely disappeared from my life almost as quickly as she came. While I was wrestling with the complications of my separation this woman and I met online nearly two years ago. We talked, and laughed together; absolutely wonderful connection. We made each other forget about life for the time we were on the phone together. It was only natural that we meet. But on two separate occasions something came up on her part. I had though she flaked on me, that she had gotten scared. After the second time I threw in the towel on her. This was during the time I had a job interview in New Mexico. We were planning on meeting for dinner the day I get back. She sends me a message that something came up again. So that's where things ended with her.

Well now, lo and behold come yesterday out of nowhere she sends me a chat message and we start talking. She tells me she has been recovering from surgery much of that time as well as taking in her daughter and her family, who have now since moved out and onto another area. She's also telling about the guys in her life who end up concealing a criminal past, and not dating because of attracting that kind of person.
We chat, we talk on the phone several times yesterday and it's like not missing a beat. After my cell call was dropped last night she leaves me a voicemail saying she hopes that she can make it down to me soon so I can show her around and take things from there. She also talked about if things worked out to make a pact to see no one else, even with her impending winter trip to San Diego.

So questions in my mind.........Is this for real? Is she the one in this case jumping the gun? I wonder if someone in her past-maybe her father had a criminal history, otherwise why the criminal attraction? I do feel good talking with her. I always have. I don't want to rush into anything but if she's of clear head, not desperate for a relationship after over 10 years of being single and dating bad guys I do not want to pass this by. But I also have a good feeling about the first woman although our history isn't anywhere near as deep. I wish I had a gut feeling as to what to do but right now I don't.

One down, oodles to go..........

Went on my date last night with the first respondent to my CL ad. Very nice woman, educated, funny as hell-should be a standup, but no spark. Very conservative outlook on things but still not narrow minded. There wasn't that desire to have a dating relationship. Friends are a real possibility though.

Also talked on the phone for the longest time with the 2nd woman to reply. Very nice, smart, hard-working, funny. Very good possibilities here. Meeting her for drinks this weekend. I've been emailing with several others and have another woman who's going to get back to me about when she's free this weekend so we can have the dinner/drink thing as well and see how things go.

So with just one little article from the heart and my social calendar is filling up.
Amazing how life works sometimes. Now about that financial fortune I'm supposed to be getting one of these days....................

Wise words

Have you noticed, that the more you hurry, the slower you go?

The more you wait, the longer it takes?

The more you worry, the less you dream?

But the more you live, love, and laugh, the more you live, love, and laugh.

Weird?
The Universe

What a difference!

What a difference having the right perspective makes, even just a little bit. I've told myself many times after having hit a dead-end with a woman that I need to have 20 others to talk to, to get myself right back up and keep talking. Well yesterday I did just that. Knowing that the written word is one of my strong suits in communication I posted an ad on Craigslist. Yeah yeah I know the reputation of the place. And yet real people still do meet from there socially, and I'm not talking business transactions if you get my meaning:

I've debated on doing this but I have to tell you that being a private person I find it difficult at times to make connections with others. I get out and about but there are few opportunities to really meet and talk and interact with others in my life. Smiling at the store clerks is nice and chatting up someone in line if they have a friendly face is all find and good. But after that we all go our separate ways, living our separate lives in our own protective shells. I like my space but what I really am looking for is someone who will share that time with me. I need a woman who is emotionally available to me and only me, someone who is over past relationships and truly ready to move on with her life.

I'm not looking for casual sex. The bond I'm seeking goes way beyond that of mere orgasms. But with the right two people it all starts with friendship and slowly builds from there. And I do mean slowly. I truly want to get to know you without sex clouding our judgment about each other and getting in the way of having us truly know each other as people. You don't have to show me your tits. In fact I don't care if you're flat-chested as long as you have a heart of gold to match mine because that's mandatory. I'm looking for someone who's kind, caring, intelligent, giving and thoughtful because those are qualities possessed by me. I want a woman who's been bound and convinced that all the good guys are either married or gay because I am neither of those. Sexy is a given and with beauty can be in the eye of the beholder. There's got to be that spark, that chemistry between us that could light up the night.

My interests are varied and many, sports-football is my passion, baseball too. I love music ranging from classical to Conway Twitty and everything in between. I love travel, good food, street festivals, art, hiking and exploring my curiosity about various things in life. Does this sound like you? Take a chance. Please talk to me if it does.

I could sit at home and ruminate over what I did wrong or go out on my own and never meet anyone at a party or gathering. Or I could do what I do best, communicate with others with my writing, reaching those who were looking for someone at the same time I am. The response by the way has been quite good I think. Five actual women so far have responded today. No bots at all. They all loved my ad! I've talked to one on the phone already today and am meeting her for supper and calling another tonight. And as I wrote this another actual response. Kinda scary in a way, that just a little change can make such a difference. The moral of the story is a quote I've read but at times forget,"Man can alter his life by altering his thinking. William James
How very true.